 |
| Photo from http://www.zawaj.com |
It is normal to have misunderstandings at home. But what if it involves your in-laws? What do you do? Please answer our poll question!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
POLL: What do you do when you have problems or misunderstandings with your in-laws?
It is normal to have misunderstandings at home. But what if it involves your in-laws? What do you do? Please answer our poll question!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
The Ten Marriage Commandments
I came across an article from Family Share which I found so interesting. To see the original post, you can go here.
Anyway, it is about the Ten Marriage Commandments. Do we really need commandments on our marriages? I bet we need a little advice.
1. Thou shalt show respect. Every individual deserves respect. In a marriage, it is never appropriate to demean your spouse, and physical violence is never ever acceptable in any relationship. If your marriage is disintegrating into squabbling and fighting, remember that sometimes it's better to be happy than to be right.
2. Thou shalt be affectionate. The quickest way to pep up a marriage is to throw in a little love. Just being in close physical proximity to your spouse can take your relationship from meh to marvelous. Hold hands, kiss your spouse goodbye and hold on a little longer when you hug.
3. Thou shalt communicate. Your spouse has a lot of wonderful qualities, but he or she has never been and will never be a mind reader. Chances are, your spouse wants to give you the world, but you'll have to tell him or her what you need. Own your feelings and be honest about emotions.
4. Thou shalt forgive. Ruth Bell Graham famously said, "A good marriage is the union between two good forgivers." We all make mistakes. Yet sometimes those mistakes hurt the person we love the most — our spouse. Be generous and forgiving when your spouse makes a mistake and your spouse will be more quick to forgive your indiscretions.
5. Thou shalt be kind. We have a mantra in our house: kind words, soft answers. Think back to how you spoke to your spouse when you were still dating and aim to keep that kind communication throughout your entire marriage.
6. Thou shalt be appreciative. Make a conscious choice to let go of little annoyances and devote more mental energy to thinking about all the things you love about your spouse. Your spouse does a lot for you; let him know that you are appreciative.
7. Thou shalt be loyal. Adultery is the quickest way to kill a marriage. Protect your marriage by avoiding the slippery slope toward infidelity. In our world of constant contact through cell phones and social media, keep all your interactions innocent. If you're not sure if your behavior is appropriate imagine how you would feel if your spouse was engaging in the same behavior.
8. Thou shalt find balance. Cultivate friendships and hobbies that complement but are not dependent upon your marriage. At the same time, spend quality time with your spouse every day. You'll be a better spouse if you are a well-rounded person.
9. Thou shalt be honest. It's never OK to lie to your spouse, even if the lie seems inconsequential at the time. No good ever came from lying.
10. Thou shalt make decisions together. Avoid major marital drama by coming up with a game plan for life as a couple. All major decisions, including jobs, homes, children, and how to spend money, need to be agreed upon by both parties. In an equal marriage, both spouses should feel that their opinion is valuable and carries weight.
Anyway, it is about the Ten Marriage Commandments. Do we really need commandments on our marriages? I bet we need a little advice.
 |
| Photo of our rings. Photo by Framed-Up Production. |
1. Thou shalt show respect. Every individual deserves respect. In a marriage, it is never appropriate to demean your spouse, and physical violence is never ever acceptable in any relationship. If your marriage is disintegrating into squabbling and fighting, remember that sometimes it's better to be happy than to be right.
2. Thou shalt be affectionate. The quickest way to pep up a marriage is to throw in a little love. Just being in close physical proximity to your spouse can take your relationship from meh to marvelous. Hold hands, kiss your spouse goodbye and hold on a little longer when you hug.
3. Thou shalt communicate. Your spouse has a lot of wonderful qualities, but he or she has never been and will never be a mind reader. Chances are, your spouse wants to give you the world, but you'll have to tell him or her what you need. Own your feelings and be honest about emotions.
4. Thou shalt forgive. Ruth Bell Graham famously said, "A good marriage is the union between two good forgivers." We all make mistakes. Yet sometimes those mistakes hurt the person we love the most — our spouse. Be generous and forgiving when your spouse makes a mistake and your spouse will be more quick to forgive your indiscretions.
5. Thou shalt be kind. We have a mantra in our house: kind words, soft answers. Think back to how you spoke to your spouse when you were still dating and aim to keep that kind communication throughout your entire marriage.
6. Thou shalt be appreciative. Make a conscious choice to let go of little annoyances and devote more mental energy to thinking about all the things you love about your spouse. Your spouse does a lot for you; let him know that you are appreciative.
7. Thou shalt be loyal. Adultery is the quickest way to kill a marriage. Protect your marriage by avoiding the slippery slope toward infidelity. In our world of constant contact through cell phones and social media, keep all your interactions innocent. If you're not sure if your behavior is appropriate imagine how you would feel if your spouse was engaging in the same behavior.
8. Thou shalt find balance. Cultivate friendships and hobbies that complement but are not dependent upon your marriage. At the same time, spend quality time with your spouse every day. You'll be a better spouse if you are a well-rounded person.
9. Thou shalt be honest. It's never OK to lie to your spouse, even if the lie seems inconsequential at the time. No good ever came from lying.
10. Thou shalt make decisions together. Avoid major marital drama by coming up with a game plan for life as a couple. All major decisions, including jobs, homes, children, and how to spend money, need to be agreed upon by both parties. In an equal marriage, both spouses should feel that their opinion is valuable and carries weight.
Monday, August 12, 2013
To Yell or Not To Yell?
I am at the moment, a stay at home wife. I have been spending a lot of time writing and sleeping. A few days before my sister gave birth, I went to my parents' house in Antipolo and stayed for two days because Jeff went to Subic for work. I was sitting on our couch and channel surfing when I came across an interesting show, Face to Face.
 |
| Photo from Face to Face's Facebook page. |
Face to Face airs on TV5 everyday at 4:30PM, or that what their Facebook page says. So the show is something like The Jerry Springer Show, a talk show in the US where two (or more) people would argue on TV. So here's the story on that particular day's episode.
The first guest was a woman (let's call her sister-in-law or SIL because I can't remember her name). She said that the WIFE of her older brother who was in Kuwait was not taking care of her nephews and nieces, and that she was a gambler. She also said that her brother's wife had an affair with another man and that they had a child. Too complicated! So the WIFE was called in and they tried to hurt each other, but of course, the bouncers were there to split them. Too scripted. Amy Perez, the show's host asked the WIFE if the SIL's allegations were true. She said yes. The HUSBAND was called in and the show cuts to commercials. After the break, it was told that the HUSBAND came back from Kuwait and found out that his two kids are now three! HUSBAND threw the WIFE out of the house while the three kids remain with him -- even the last child who was the fruit of the WIFE's unfaithfulness. Upon watching, I realized that the HUSBAND still loves the wife too much but he just couldn't forgive her and take her back.
The next day, I found myself channel surfing again and came across the same kind of show, this time from GMA News TV.
 |
| Photo from Personalan's Facebook page. |
So this show has the same pattern, calling two people who would like to argue on TV. So the first person called was Joey. He is married to Lynette and the couple has one kid. Joey said that he has a secret to tell to Lynette. Lynette was interviewed and all she said were great things about Joey -- he was her Mr. Right. Joey works as a barber in a barber shop where he met Alvin. They exchanged numbers, talked, and it was later revealed that they started a relationship ala My Husband's Lover. Everything was working fine with Joey and Alvin -- Joey goes to work and manages his relationships with Lynette and Alvin while juggling all the chores at home -- until a neighbor saw him and Alvin in the barber shop. So before the neighbor could tell Lynette, he did it ON TV. My goodness! Lynette walked out and cried buckets backstage. By the end of the show, furious Lynette forgives Joey but swears that if she ever sees Alvin again, she will leave him. Again, it was very obvious that despite the whole My-Husband's-Lover drama, Lynette forgave Joey.
Now my question is, WHY DO THESE PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO TAKE THEIR ISSUES ON NATIONAL TV?!? I mean, yeah, these are big problems, but why do they need an audience to solve their problem?
Jeff and I fight at times. We used to argue a lot before the wedding, and after the wedding. This is the stage of the marriage when we argue about small things because we are adjusting to living with each other. Arguing is not bad. For me, it is a good thing because we learn a lot about our partners. We realize that they don't want us pinching their nose, or that they don't eat okra. We learn about their pet peeves. Most of all, we learn to be humble and apologize because at the end of the day, we are married to them and nothing can change that.
Jeff and I have one rule about arguing -- NO ARGUING IN PUBLIC. Why? Because couples are not supposed to make a scene and put their fights out to be seen by the public, or by their families and friends. No, we don't pose as if we are a perfect couple. We are not, and we'll never be. But I do believe that couple fights don't need an audience. Problems should be fixed inside your homes, and in our case, inside our bedroom. When I was young, our neighbors would fight as if they were killing each other but the next morning, they were all PDA outside their house. At an early age, I thought that was very stupid. If you love the person, why would you yell at him and tell him that you would kill him?
I grew up in a home where I thought that my parents didn't fight at all. I swear! I never heard my parents yell at each other. It was just a little before my wedding when my Mama was giving me advice on how to handle arguments that she told me their secret -- they fight but they don't yell. That moment, I wanted to have a monument done for my parents. I've never heard of a couple who never yelled at each other. She told me that if she is upset about something that my Papa did, she keeps quiet until Papa notices that she isn't her usual talkative self. They talk about it and they say sorry.
I can't do what my Mama does. I nag a lot when I am angry, and then after I've said everything I wanted to say, I keep quiet. And then after a while, I'd talk to Jeff. My husband on the other hand would bug me on my quiet time and says sorry over and over again. I mean, I don't appreciate all the bugging because I talk to him when I'm ready. Lately, he's become cooperative and gives me time to think.
How about you? How do you handle couple fights?
“Be angry, and do not sin”:[a] do not let the sun go down on your wrath, - Ephesians 4:26
Friday, August 2, 2013
If there's a will, there's a way: Save Money Today!
By Jem Gezen
My husband and I have been bouncing across countries and continents for years. Our job has taken us places and as much as it was fun and exciting to meet new people and learn new culture, at some point we knew it was time to settle in one place. We picked America.
We moved back to the States post-recession, when the economy’s recovering yet still gloomy and the unemployment rate’s at its peak. The pasture on this side of the world wasn’t very green but dry. A hint of luck that we live in the nation’s capital, one of the very few places in America left partially untouched by the recession because of federal and/or federal-related jobs available. But still, the immigration process has been financially-crippling that we had to tighten our belts in order to afford the high cost of living in the area.
My husband has been away in the U.S. for almost 3 years that his credit rating was not the greatest and since I am a humble immigrant, I had to start from scratch. In the beginning, it was almost impossible to apply for any kind of loan or credit cards. We struggled but managed to dig our way out of the hole in less than a year. In eight months, we were able to raise a downpayment for a house while keeping all our bill payments up to date. We are not rich (oh heavens, no). We sweat for every dime we make yet we manage to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.
Disciplined spending is the key.
Let me share to you my top 5 savings tips:
1.Create a spreadsheet. You don’t have to be an accountant to create a spreadsheet. With a pen and paper, write down how much money comes in every month and how much money goes out for expenses. There are a lot of bills that have fixed cost making them easier to budget. By doing this, cutting down your purchases on less-important items would become more manageable. It would be a lot easier to visualize whether you’re making (barely) enough money to get by every month or if there’s a lot of extra cash that could go to savings instead on wasted purchase.
2. Prioritize payments. In our case, the largest chunk of earning goes to paying necessities: mortgage, car, electricity, water. Food and gas we all charge in the credit card (discussed below). We’re paid twice a month that we split our bill payments in order to budget cash flow. The largest payables we always schedule at the start of each month just to get them out of the way, while the smaller bills we pay at the end of every month.
3. Pay your credit cards in full, monthly. As I mentioned earlier, we only charge food and gas in our credit cards. We decided to only maintain 3 credit cards so they’re easier to handle. You will be surprised how quickly banks would offer higher credit limits if you’re not delinquent with payments. I frown at the idea of hoarding dozens of credit cards because it’s added cost. We use our first 2 credit cards strictly for household purchases: food, gas, furniture etc. The third one we use ONLY for travel-related purchases (plane tickets, hotel reservations etc). We are strict in using our credit cards. We never max it out and pay it in full every month. Think of it as a piggy bank - once you fill it then you can empty it - never the other way. I think a lot of people have been carelessly using their credit cards by constantly swiping it but only paying the minimum monthly rates. This shouldn’t be the case as the interest rates will continuously jack-up and eventually swallow you alive!
4. Practice self-control. The hardest yet most important rule: restraint yourself from impulsive purchases. When going to the grocery, make a list of things you need in order to avoid last minute purchases. Eat at home as often as you can, avoid fast foods, they’re not only expensive but similarly unhealthy. Don’t be shy to grab those freebies or discounted items. Always, ALWAYS scout for great deals. Note that temptation is everywhere! There’s always that bag, shoes, cosmetics, jewelry that you are dying to have. But remember, the whole point of saving is not to deprive yourself of things that you want but EVENTUALLY raising the money that you need in order to afford them later, not never.
5. Stop counting your money! It’s like watching grass grow, it takes a while - a long while. Do not obsess with money to a point that you stop living. Live within your means but enjoy what you have. It is in wanting the things we cannot afford that makes us unhappy. Be grateful for the little things and treasure the big ones. Saving can be fun only if we recognize that money is never meant to be the center of our lives.
My husband and I have been bouncing across countries and continents for years. Our job has taken us places and as much as it was fun and exciting to meet new people and learn new culture, at some point we knew it was time to settle in one place. We picked America.
We moved back to the States post-recession, when the economy’s recovering yet still gloomy and the unemployment rate’s at its peak. The pasture on this side of the world wasn’t very green but dry. A hint of luck that we live in the nation’s capital, one of the very few places in America left partially untouched by the recession because of federal and/or federal-related jobs available. But still, the immigration process has been financially-crippling that we had to tighten our belts in order to afford the high cost of living in the area.
My husband has been away in the U.S. for almost 3 years that his credit rating was not the greatest and since I am a humble immigrant, I had to start from scratch. In the beginning, it was almost impossible to apply for any kind of loan or credit cards. We struggled but managed to dig our way out of the hole in less than a year. In eight months, we were able to raise a downpayment for a house while keeping all our bill payments up to date. We are not rich (oh heavens, no). We sweat for every dime we make yet we manage to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.
Disciplined spending is the key.
Let me share to you my top 5 savings tips:
1.Create a spreadsheet. You don’t have to be an accountant to create a spreadsheet. With a pen and paper, write down how much money comes in every month and how much money goes out for expenses. There are a lot of bills that have fixed cost making them easier to budget. By doing this, cutting down your purchases on less-important items would become more manageable. It would be a lot easier to visualize whether you’re making (barely) enough money to get by every month or if there’s a lot of extra cash that could go to savings instead on wasted purchase.
2. Prioritize payments. In our case, the largest chunk of earning goes to paying necessities: mortgage, car, electricity, water. Food and gas we all charge in the credit card (discussed below). We’re paid twice a month that we split our bill payments in order to budget cash flow. The largest payables we always schedule at the start of each month just to get them out of the way, while the smaller bills we pay at the end of every month.
3. Pay your credit cards in full, monthly. As I mentioned earlier, we only charge food and gas in our credit cards. We decided to only maintain 3 credit cards so they’re easier to handle. You will be surprised how quickly banks would offer higher credit limits if you’re not delinquent with payments. I frown at the idea of hoarding dozens of credit cards because it’s added cost. We use our first 2 credit cards strictly for household purchases: food, gas, furniture etc. The third one we use ONLY for travel-related purchases (plane tickets, hotel reservations etc). We are strict in using our credit cards. We never max it out and pay it in full every month. Think of it as a piggy bank - once you fill it then you can empty it - never the other way. I think a lot of people have been carelessly using their credit cards by constantly swiping it but only paying the minimum monthly rates. This shouldn’t be the case as the interest rates will continuously jack-up and eventually swallow you alive!
4. Practice self-control. The hardest yet most important rule: restraint yourself from impulsive purchases. When going to the grocery, make a list of things you need in order to avoid last minute purchases. Eat at home as often as you can, avoid fast foods, they’re not only expensive but similarly unhealthy. Don’t be shy to grab those freebies or discounted items. Always, ALWAYS scout for great deals. Note that temptation is everywhere! There’s always that bag, shoes, cosmetics, jewelry that you are dying to have. But remember, the whole point of saving is not to deprive yourself of things that you want but EVENTUALLY raising the money that you need in order to afford them later, not never.
5. Stop counting your money! It’s like watching grass grow, it takes a while - a long while. Do not obsess with money to a point that you stop living. Live within your means but enjoy what you have. It is in wanting the things we cannot afford that makes us unhappy. Be grateful for the little things and treasure the big ones. Saving can be fun only if we recognize that money is never meant to be the center of our lives.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Those little things
During bed time there are two things Jay and I simply can't sleep without. No make that three. Sad to say, the most important one is something we still need to be doing more consistently. Before we sleep, we try our best to always pray. We take turns every night, but it's more like "it's-your-turn-no-it's-your-turn-i-prayed-last-night" kind of thing. Then before we get to our sleeping positions we give each other three goodnight kisses. It really has to be three. Then when sleep kicks in, I would begin to hear it.
It starts off quietly. Just a low humming sound. Then it progresses to the sound of an oncoming freight train. But that's when I fall asleep. As weird as it may seem, the sound of my husband snoring is like music to my ears. I know that snoring is a health concern, that my mother-in-law even advised me to wake Jay up whenever he snores too loud. (If I do that all the time, he won't be sleeping at all!) I sometimes do that when I have to stay up late because of school or work. But there are moments when I just stare and watch him sleep, and my heart goes… "awwww". There's something about that picture of him sleeping that I find really cute and adorable. Yes, snoring and twitching included.
 |
| Trying to kiss away the husband's "pissed off" mood. |
I read this article online by Marla Taviano about the first year of marriage. It's actually an excerpt from her book "From Blushing Bride, to Wedded Wife". The author asked some married women what something someone did warn them about but they didn't believe until they got married. Someone answered, "That the cute habits would become annoying habits".
Uh-oh! I don't know how many months or years will it take for those cute habits (like snoring) to become annoying. I have to admit, Jay and I annoy each other on a daily basis. One time I even blurted out, "I think you married me just to annoy me!"
The thing is, I'm relatively new at this marriage thing. But I'd like to think that the day when cuteness turns into annoyance would never come. I know that's impossible because people change. Add to that the ever changing hormones I have that turns a sweet wife to a drama queen. What I'm trying to say is, I want that picture or moment to stay in my mind so that when I'm seeing my husband differently from the man I once dreamed about marrying one day, I would be reminded of those little things that made my heart melt.
You see, it's not just the dates, gifts and grand gestures that we should hold on and look back to when we're going through a rough patch. It's also those little things we discovered about each other that the outside world would find weird, but we find cute and endearing nonetheless (so long as it's not criminal. hehe). It reminds us of the kind of love we have for our husbands that only us can give. It's like an inside joke that only the two of you can understand and laugh about. It's what sets your love apart.
So enjoy those moments. Laugh about each other's sillyness. Join in the out-of-tune song number. Be his dance partner when he lets out those chicken dance moves. Just love him for his idiosyncracies, because admit it.... you annoy the daylights out of him too. :)
What about you, misis? What are the things that you find cute about your husband that others find pretty annoying? Tip: ask your husband first if it's okay to share it. :)
