Dear Misis,
I would like to think that I've never been a jealous person, until today.
My husband used to work with this girl in a call center. She now works in another company where my husband used to work as well. Few months ago, I noticed that they were exchanging messages on BBM. They spend so much time exchanging messages, even if it was already late. I saw that he's talking to a girl so I asked. So he said that he used to work with the girl, and that they were just talking about the rumors and issues in the girl's company. And that she is a LESBIAN. So I was like, why is he being too defensive? I told him that I think it wasn't proper that he was exchanging messages with another girl late at night even before we were about to sleep. He promised he won't talk to her anymore.
Today, after months and months not knowing if they were still talking, the girl sent an iMessage to my husband. What puzzles me is that he just got his iPhone a few weeks ago and his phone contacts were not yet synced. And he tells me that they don't talk regularly? What made me furious was when the girl's name appeared because she sent a message, he immediately closed the message. I'm like, what the hell?!?!?! I would like to think that my husband is not cheating on me whatsoever, but keeping something from me is a different story.
What is your stand with this kind of stuff? And how will you deal with this?
Lovelots,
Sort of Jealous Wife
Thank you sharing with us your experience. I'm pretty sure that there are other misis(es) our there who could be in the same boat or might have the same dilemma in the future. :) Hope we can help give light to the issue.
First, I want you to know that your feeling towards your husband is valid. You are entitled to feel that way because you're his wife and there's this sense of "ownership" that raises your "radar" when you feel some threat lurking around. Woman's instinct, they say.
Second, even though it's quite normal to get jealous, it shouldn't be a cause for you to eye your husband suspiciously all the time when he reaches for his phone. In the first place, ideally, ALL husbands shouldn't be doing something that will make their wives jealous and vice-versa. It's somewhat an unwritten code, but it's best if you talk about it.
Cliché as it may sound, communication really is a key to a long lasting relationship. You have to be vocal about what you feel. Let him know what upsets you so that he would know. Because sometimes, men need to be told about these things.
Set some sort of ground rules when interacting with the opposite sex. This includes a level of restriction for late-night, prolonged, regular-than-usual texting, chatting, phone calls with the opposite sex, with the exception of female family members ONLY. It's not like you're taking away your husband's freedom to talk with his friends. It's just for prevention. And of course this goes both ways. You can't impose something on your husband without your willingness to do the same thing. But make sure that BOTH of you agree to this and that you understand that breaking the "rules" might cause an argument. And who wants to get into an argument, right?
Also, when dealing with your husband regarding any issue similar to this, it's wise to show some restraint. Remember, the last thing any husband wants is a nagging wife. So talk to him and listen to his explanations. I know it's hard to do it, but try not to show that you're angry. If you can, ask him about such things in a nonchalant way, and not like you're interrogating a member of Al Qaeda. This will make him drop his defenses and hopefully be more open with you. I think sometimes the reason why husbands don't want to talk about their "harmless" encounters with other girls, and probably why they choose not to show their wives that they're texting another girl is because they think that their wives would go berserk and just pick a fight. If you make your husband feel that he can talk to you about anything without you getting overly jealous, then he'll likely share more stuff with you without the fear of always being the bad guy.
Another thing, try to get to know his circle of friends. In my case, I know my husband's college friends, ex-coworkers, childhood friends, girlfriends/wives of friends, etc. I also know the degree of closeness he has with these people. So I know who to watch out for. Hahaha.
And lastly, always give him the benefit of the doubt. Take his word for it when he says that it's just nothing. And let him know about it. Affirm your trust for him. Then pray earnestly to God for Him to protect your husband from any "element" that would cause him to be unfaithful.
First, I want you to know that your feeling towards your husband is valid. You are entitled to feel that way because you're his wife and there's this sense of "ownership" that raises your "radar" when you feel some threat lurking around. Woman's instinct, they say.
Second, even though it's quite normal to get jealous, it shouldn't be a cause for you to eye your husband suspiciously all the time when he reaches for his phone. In the first place, ideally, ALL husbands shouldn't be doing something that will make their wives jealous and vice-versa. It's somewhat an unwritten code, but it's best if you talk about it.
Cliché as it may sound, communication really is a key to a long lasting relationship. You have to be vocal about what you feel. Let him know what upsets you so that he would know. Because sometimes, men need to be told about these things.
Set some sort of ground rules when interacting with the opposite sex. This includes a level of restriction for late-night, prolonged, regular-than-usual texting, chatting, phone calls with the opposite sex, with the exception of female family members ONLY. It's not like you're taking away your husband's freedom to talk with his friends. It's just for prevention. And of course this goes both ways. You can't impose something on your husband without your willingness to do the same thing. But make sure that BOTH of you agree to this and that you understand that breaking the "rules" might cause an argument. And who wants to get into an argument, right?
Also, when dealing with your husband regarding any issue similar to this, it's wise to show some restraint. Remember, the last thing any husband wants is a nagging wife. So talk to him and listen to his explanations. I know it's hard to do it, but try not to show that you're angry. If you can, ask him about such things in a nonchalant way, and not like you're interrogating a member of Al Qaeda. This will make him drop his defenses and hopefully be more open with you. I think sometimes the reason why husbands don't want to talk about their "harmless" encounters with other girls, and probably why they choose not to show their wives that they're texting another girl is because they think that their wives would go berserk and just pick a fight. If you make your husband feel that he can talk to you about anything without you getting overly jealous, then he'll likely share more stuff with you without the fear of always being the bad guy.
Another thing, try to get to know his circle of friends. In my case, I know my husband's college friends, ex-coworkers, childhood friends, girlfriends/wives of friends, etc. I also know the degree of closeness he has with these people. So I know who to watch out for. Hahaha.
And lastly, always give him the benefit of the doubt. Take his word for it when he says that it's just nothing. And let him know about it. Affirm your trust for him. Then pray earnestly to God for Him to protect your husband from any "element" that would cause him to be unfaithful.
"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ..." - 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a
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